December 08, 2005
Show Notes for Fetish Flame 8.0 - Catching up
Nova and Atticus catch up on where they've been and where the show is going.
They read some listener mail that challenges and offers other points of view on their opinion that Tops should experience being on the bottom.
A couple of listeners write in about silk scarf fetishes.
New conversations arise over negotiation.
And finally, they delve into the ideas of Nova bottoming to another man, both of them bottoming to a domme together, and Nova topping Atticus with a professional.
Posted by Nova at December 8, 2005 03:49 AM
Posted by: intenselygreen at December 9, 2005 12:20 PM
Great show once again Nova and Atticus. I love the reader mail, not just because you read part of my e-mail, (although that was very exciting!) but I like the ways you incorporate different perspectives into the conversation.
I am really interested in you doing an on air negotiation... not just as a vicarious exercise in voyeurism, although the little bit of negotiating that you did do was yummy. Nova is so into expanding and testing limits that I wonder what Atticus might have been thinking that he might not ever do???
And as for Nova bottoming to another man... (!) Wow, now there is something to keep one up in the middle of the night. Perhaps you should have an ideas competition... if that doesn't get people e-mailing then I can't imagine what would.
Posted by: FetishHappy at December 9, 2005 06:02 PM
I have to agree with intenselygreen, this was a great show. I did enjoy the on air negotiation, I believed it gave us listener a deeper insight into yourselfs.
I also enjoyed listening to the part where you both began to talk about the idea of adding another person (male or female). At first, that got me upset thinking that someone might just want to have someone there for sexual excitement. But as both you continued to talk about it, it seemed that you were both fine with it. I think that made me jealous and scared at the sametime. I would love to be able to have that type of trust and connection with my partner, but I am very jealous person. I would love to learn to let go and not worry. It seemed that Atticus does not have this problem.
Well, this sounded like a great show and seems like more are going to come quickly at us. I can't wait to hear the outcome of this situation.
Posted by: intenselygreen at December 10, 2005 01:41 PM
Hi FetishHappy, I understand what you are saying... I actually was a little dismayed at first about the idea of Nova needing/wanting to go outside the relationship. I love to see them as a kind of model couple. I also understand I think what you mean about jealosy. Thinking about it however, I think it comes down to two ideas, trust and exploration. The trust is more than just the confidence Atticus would have that when Nova goes out that she'll come back. In a strong relationship, there can be trust that one won't seek outside the relationship for that which is available inside the relationship. Conversely the trust allows the partners to fulfill themselves outside to the extent that they can't inside. So it would be problematic for Atticus to want to watch TV and make out on the Red Couch with another woman but experiencing a single tail session with a pro domme is just a matter for negotiation. Poor example I know but I can't think of a better one at the moment...
The second part, the exploration, leads directly from this idea. Nova and Atticus are special for many reasons, but one aspect that is amazing is their commitment to exploration. With trust in place, if Atticus has a desire (for example) to experience a single tail session, Nova could take a class, practice on Atticus, and over time get pretty good at it. But perhaps Atticus just wants to experience it once, from an expert, at a high level. Nova couldn't provide that. Similarly, if Nova wanted to experience a high level Japanese rope bondage session, Atticus could develop expertise over time, but it would be with Nova, and their would never be that sharp exposure as a novice to expertise for a one time only experience.
Also, remember that Nova's fetish experience has been developed just with Atticus, while Atticus has in the past before Nova had opportunity to play with different women. The experience they have together is stronger and more diverse for Atticus' varied experience. Nova is a keen learner clearly, but as all that she has experienced has been somewhat derived from her play with Atticus, it is a bit of a closed circle. Recall in show 0.1 I think Nova appreciated Atticus' trust in being able to go out and bring new experiences into their shared experience.
Finally, there are lots of advantages to fetish play within a commited monogamy but there are also I think a few instances in which some experiences can only be explored outside. Imagine for example if Atticus had a desire to experience profound fear, as in an abduction scenario. Nova and he could pretend, but imagine how intense it could be, as well as still safe, if she arranged the affair with a third party such as a knowledgable and reputable pro domme. Of course if either wanted to experience same-sex play, Atticus could be a sissified girlfriend or Nova could wield a strap-on, but that would be both more and less than seeking a same-sex partner. Nova's fetish play with Atticus is thoroughly interconnected with their romantic love and shared life experience. Mostly this is a wonderful lovely thing but one could see how an experience with a relative stranger could provide opportunity to tease apart some fetish threads from her and Atticus' romantic life.
Apologies for being so verbose but I am getting so into Atticus and Nova and I am so excited to hear of more shows coming soon!
Posted by: Nova at December 10, 2005 04:51 PM
InteselyGreen & FetishHappy - You are both so sweet to be so concerned about us, and what future exploration may mean to our relationship.
We will address this more on a future show (I haven't had coffee yet, and I can see this needs a bit of an involved answer).
I'm sure you can tell by now that we wouldn't forge ahead into any big exploration with out plenty of communication and making sure both of us are completely on board.
We are here to push our boundaries and want to share our successes as well as where it didn't turn out how we planned. And if we make a mistake along the way, we hope that we can share how we talk through it, grow stronger, and move on.
The best part of trying something new with someone you trust and love is that you know that nothing that person is doing is to hurt you. We always say before we go into anything by ourselves or with others: if either one feels uncomfortable, we pull away and either talk and regroup or leave. It's really that easy for us.
well, looks like I still said a lot...
PS: Even if you are not polyamorous, I encourage you to listen to "Polyamory Weekly". Minx has wonderful discussions on jealousy, communication, and growth within relationships.
Posted by: syndi at December 12, 2005 05:15 AM
Hey, you fooled me with the codpiece, as i was sure that was really Atticus and was impressed that he appeared so smooth.
Like the other commenters, i loved it when you started the on air negotiation. Very hot.
You mentioned that you have a list of fetishes. Have you seen Katharine Gates' Fetish Roadmap (http://www.deviantdesires.com/map/mapmain.html)?
At the end of the show, when you were talking about the things you might do, i was thinking "Take Pictures", hee hee.
as always your fan,
Posted by: Nova at December 18, 2005 10:02 PM
syndi - thanks for the link. We have her book here and it's been incredibly helpful when researching new fetishes. The map is really interesting, and it is a bit intimidating to see just where discussions on each fetish can lead to.
If all goes well, it looks like we have years of topics to tackle....
Posted by: Ms. Thrash at January 21, 2006 05:48 PM
As always I love your shows...the talk between you to makes me feel like you are sharing with friends....sometime I forget things that have please me in the past...at one time all I wore was silk..I felt so sexy with that smooth soft texture...I also had sweaters made from silk that were warm and light, but the thing I loved most was my slik scarves....went and bought another one just because of this show....
thank you for using comments from your listeners...not just becuase you used mine...it is nice to hear from others experiences...it makes me feel I am not alone and gives me hope that I can find the right person to bring love and kink to my life like the two of you have or some of your listeners.
Posted by: SerenitySweet at February 1, 2006 07:52 PM
hahahaha hey i was on he show!! sci fi geeks rule! awesome show as always, and i love it when you guys trail off when you talk. you two are the cutest thing on podcasting!
love from your biggest fan!
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